I’d like to share some very powerful insights with you.
I just finished 6 months of coaching with a very inspirational woman. When she came to me, she was absolutely owned by her insecurities. She was a classic people-pleaser, who thought she had to make everyone like her. Every night she mentally beat herself up for not being good enough.
She took a massive leap of faith and decided to do something about it. For both herself and for her daughter, for whom she wanted to be a rolemodel. Despite massive fear she committed to 6 months’ worth of coaching with me.
In our final session, we reviewed everything she had learned, tested and discovered. This is what she shared, I hope it can help you too:
– Confrontation isn’t about winning vs losing, it’s about being true to your boundaries – If I stand up for myself, the pattern of constantly beating myself up each night simply stops – There’s no need to please other people, they don’t have to like me because it doesn’t change anything if they don’t, it’s both impossible and pointless to please everyone anyway (no one gains from it) – Recognise myself for effort rather than results, and forget trying to get recognition from others, I don’t need it – Life is so much easier when you’re authentic – You can blame others if you want, but it feels much more powerful to take responsibility for your life – Everyone has weaknesses, even when they look “strong” (those trying the hardest to look strong are usually the most insecure) – Authentic people are rare, there’s a big difference between authenticity vs behaviour motivated by toxic neediness – I can’t read minds, trying to do this and predict people’s reactions or guess their motives is pointless, and reduces self-confidence and motivation – It’s OK for people to react negatively to me, they’re entitled to express themselves, it actually has very little to do with me, and is more about their upbringing and belief system
WHAT I’VE LEARNED ABOUT TAKING ACTION
– Just take small steps, one at a time – Scary stuff is never as bad as you’ll imagine it to be once you actually do it – Courage feels awesome, but you only get to feel it after you’ve taken the right (scary) action – Saying No has many benefits later on (stop people-pleasing) – Speak out without worrying about upsetting someone – Join in conversations without trying to first assess how it might go – Keep pushing your comfort zone boundaries, to make sure you don’t slip backwards or stagnate – Just enjoy life and live to the fullest, spend time with those you love the most – Confront your greatest fear, as doing so will become your greatest achievement, and give you a sense of awesome capability and power – Regularly remind myself of my achievements – Identify/understand other peoples’ motives and problems without mind-reading i.e. ask them directly (to help realise that it’s got nothing to do with me)