I have some really pleasant developments to report, and I feel like sharing my journey with the group because coaching with Dan has been an important and special part of it. You will read about the pleasant developments in a bit.
Like many other guys here, I started my journey as “Mr Nice Guy”. I was introduced to the phrase at Brojo, and realised that I was one myself. I would find it hard to rock the proverbial boat. Consequently, my love life was a no-go. In addition, trying to avoid confrontation at work was leading to frustration and low self-esteem. All of this drove me towards looking within, and making changes through personal development work. That’s when I found Brojo.
The changes however, weren’t going to come about on their own. In other words, just drinking beer with the Bros at Hangar or Galbraith’s and attending Inner Circle meetings wasn’t enough. I had learnt from experience that major changes needed three special ingredients. Firstly, the realisation that status quo wasn’t good enough, which was something that made me join Brojo.
Secondly, the knowledge of how to go about making changes, which was freely shared by Dan at the meetups and then during our numerous one-on-one sessions. The final ingredient was all my responsibility- going out there and acting on my new found tools of self-development. But was it easy? Heck no! And did it happen overnight? That’s an even more resounding no. It involved living by the values of honesty, respect and responsibility towards myself and others. It was frustrating and made me hopeless on multiple occasions but hey, doing things the old way wasn’t getting me anywhere either. This at least felt right.
During my first two years at Brojo, I was stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of oneitis. By the way, I didn’t even know that term until Dan told me about it. In simpler words, I was in a no exit friendzone with one girl I really liked. It took guts and coaching to realise that being in the situation was doing nothing for me, so I decided to pull the plug on the so called friendship to give myself a fresh start. At the same time, I want to reiterate that it did not happen overnight.
A lot of baby steps were taken forward, and some big ones backward, but I was on a journey, so every little step mattered. Every time I was scared, I told myself that I felt that way because I was stepping out of my comfort zone. Dan was there for guidance at every step. I do want to say here that I have never taken his word as gospel. His advice too has to pass through the filter of my own value system for it to qualify as sound advice, which in turn is put into authentic action by me. But I know that we are a good fit as coach and client, so it has been easy to bounce ideas off him.
If someone thinks it’s easy to make changes that profoundly improve the quality of one’s life, they are humouring themselves. This involves reminding youself that you need to get up just one extra time after every fall, and you’ll be on your way. I don’t use the word fall lightly. Making those changes has felt like being in a dark abyss at times. There have been many days when I have felt depressed as a result of a lack of progress.
However, the rewards on the other side are worth the journey. I have personally been able to change how I see problems and people. Speaking of problems (and I hope she doesn’t read this), I am getting married in December to a wonderful woman I met online and whom I have been in a long distance relationship with. Being with her makes me grateful for the fact that I decided to come out of my oneitis (yes, it’s a word!). Even my relationship with her scares me at times because during it, I learn many new things about myself. I never knew I was as insecure as I get around her sometimes. The jealousy becomes difficult to handle at times too. But again, if it scares me, it means I’m making progress.
Similar fulfilling changes are taking place at work. Earlier, I used to be scared to assert myself for fear of coming across as an unpleasant person. But I felt that keeping dissatisfaction bottled up within was having negative effects on my work relationships. I would find it difficult to speak my mind in front of bullies at work, and would later curse myself for it. I felt that I was being dishonest to myself and others by not expressing negative emotions like anger. Thanks to my work with Dan, I have practised the simple yet difficult task of expressing myself honestly. Handling confrontation is therefore a skill I continue to get better at. It helps me cultivate a deeper and more satisfying association with my workmates. It has also resulted in the achievement of many professional milestones like being invited to speak internationally to other professionals, being on the Auckland Dental Association’s Executive Committee, as well as better performance at work on a day to day basis.
In conclusion, the journey continues for me. I decided to continue on the rocky road of personal growth even when things did not seem right at all. Like for everyone else, challenges will show up in my life too, but I now know for a fact that just taking small actions in the right direction will make me overcome them. I hope my story reminds everyone here that lasting changes require some guidance and a lot of perseverance. Until next time...
I contacted Dan about his sex article and having similar issues that he described in the article with my husband. I did everything Dan told me to do; I talked about our sexual relationship with him, I shared the article, and we listened to Dan's podcast. It made a tremendous difference in our relationship, and I want to THANK Dan for that!
Dan hit a lot of great points in his podcast, one of the biggest ones was about porn addiction. To be honest, I never thought that watching porn can be unhealthy for a relationship and I never had a problem with that either. But, after we listened to the podcast, he decided to stop watching porn and stop getting off of it... and out sex life got so much better!
Thank you again, Dan, for doing what you are doing!
I’ve tried these days to be conscious about what happens in different situations, and I’ve seen progress. At one time I was in a store wanting to buy something that costed 70 pounds. In my past I have been feeling that I’m a bad bargainer but this time I told myself like I learned from one of your talks: I just want to see what happens if I ask him to sell it for 60 pounds, no feelings attached… and he agreed! Felt really good.
Another one I had when going through the markets is the feeling that the sellers always try to fish you and it makes me uncomfortable. So before I would struggle with the feeling and sometimes just going away even if I wanted to look in the store. But now I when I get the feeling I go straight even if I don’t want to look and it makes me question why I felt the anxiety in the first place, and now I even feel their anxiety when I’m being “fearless” in my behaviour.
Another thing I started to do was asking what did he do for me in order for me to give him higher status, and it worked right away. Now I even go around in the seeking approval or losing approval situations and tell myself “Why should I even care?” And it’s amazing how well it works.
I just wanted to get it out there and to tell you that you really helped.
Dan helped me work through so many different barriers, fears, doubts and uncertainties with various issues. [He] helped me dig into my core and made me so much more aware of myself, allowed me to see who I really am, who I want to be and just what I can be capable of. But what I want to thank [him] for the most is the compassion and patience [he's] shown me throughout this intense journey. I'd been following [his] blog posts for quite a while before I first reached out to [him], something about them resonated with me and I felt such an urge to look into it further. Yet at that point the thought of ever actually discussing those topics with someone was so daunting it didn't even feel like it could be a distant possibility. I remember spending what must have been a good 6 months quietly asking [his] opinion and advice on very small things through facebook. I feared [he] would feel I was just using [him] for free help, but I couldn't ignore my drive to want to dig deeper. I still felt no pressure from [him], no frustration of wasted time. It was those moments and the way [he] handled them with such pure caring that gave me the courage to keep following that drive, and eventually to take those next steps, which made everything we've achieved from then on possible.
[Dan] is still the only person who has actually seen me have a panic attack and known what was going on. And I would put myself in that position with you again knowing how much this has all been worth it. I caught up with [a friend] earlier this week, and he asked me what's been the single main thing that has made this [overseas] adventure that I've been craving for 10 years finally possible... The answer was easy; the work that I've done with [Dan]. I'd like to think one day my drive for wanting to travel would have overpowered all the fears and rules holding me back, but it wouldn't have been any time soon, and I wouldn't have been going into it with the freedom for possibilities that I feel now.There's still so much for me to discover about myself, so much more to dig into and learn. I feel like we really only started to scratch the surface of some of my deepest kept beliefs as I became more capable of being open and honest in our sessions. But it's no longer just wishful thinking that one day I might be able to improve myself and my life, it's now an exciting journey that's become my reality.
I don't think you have any idea how influential your coaching was for me. The quickest result was that I learned how to speak to others and say exactly what I need to say, no matter how uncomfortable, making me a lot more relaxed in conversations.
You awakened this inner knowing within me that's always been there guiding me to authenticity and purpose. It's become completely intuitive. I've been obsessed with enlightenment in my inner realm, but saw clearly that the Inner is connected to the Outer, and nothing but pure Authenticity closes that gap.
With all the appreciation in my heart,
A year ago I was a far cry from smiling. I had hit my lowest point and staring down the barrel of defeat. I was in danger of losing my job, friends, everything I had worked for and everything that people had worked so hard to provide for me. With the support of my family and business partner I began to see that there was a way out of the darkness but it required me wanting to change and get better. A major part of that is when I decided to go see a life coach [Dan]. It's not easy as a guy to open up and express feelings and it's even harder to admit your faults. But week by week and step by step we started to tackle the issues that were holding me back and bringing me down. I learnt the importance of taking the time to put myself first and do things that make me happy. It was important to me that I kept my values and beliefs during these changes (I think of myself as someone who like to put others first). It's been a long journey and I'm far from perfect - there are still times when I feel guilty and there are still times when I make mistakes but I know that I'm working towards and better and more balanced life. I thought I'd share my story because often as young adults we hide what we are going through to the rest of the world and face these demons alone. As I'm seeing some people close to me go through similar situations recently, I want them to know that it will get better, you can change and there are people who care. Much love
The process was challenging at times in terms of examining and shifting paradigms that were at times difficult to perceive and then let go of. The service Dan provided was excellent, with the guidance and methodology incredibly practical and effective, without being burdensome. Since engaging Dan, my quality of life has markedly improved. The tools that Dan has helped me with will continue to see my life improve. Worth. Every. Penny. Don't be a dick, just do it!
I stumbled across [Dan's] article on line and it had an email at the bottom with a promise all emails would be read - didn't expect a reply but was stoked when I did. [Coaching with Dan] added a new perspective on things I'd struggled with in the past - or recognised but not understood why. It's defo specifically helped me with things I wanted to focus on and achieve. Dan has a very natural and friendly approach. Down to earth and I liked that he was young too - as opposed to being someone old enough to be my parent! I threw a few big emails at Dan between our sessions and he always found the time to reply with detail and empathy. [Since coaching I'm] doing things I never had confidence doing before. I still have work to do but life is so much easier when I feel more equipped to deal with situations that used to daunt me. Dan is the most expensive professional I've ever worked with. But you pay for what get!! I've found more benefit from working with him in a shorter space of time [than counseling]. Therefore technically it's cheaper in the long run. Dan also often over ran his session [times] with never a word of complaint - so over all I'd say good value for money! You'd be mad not to! It's way better than any other professional options out there. He focuses on the here and now and provides you with simple yet effective strategies to do things you didn't feel you could do !!
I started listening to [Dan's] podcasts and his philosophy really resonated with me. [Coaching with Dan] brought my confidence along heaps and helped me to feel much more comfortable in myself, which was exactly what I was looking for. The challenges I was set was hard but worth it. It was great to have someone pushing me and giving me a reason to do it so that I couldn't keep putting it off. Dan talks on your level and is easy to communicate with. He's grounded and accepting and open about his own personal issues which makes kit easy to open up to him. My confidence has increased and I'm comfortable being me. I'm happy with who I am and wouldn't want to change for anything. What's more important to you, your money or your life? Money or happiness? Money or your future? You can always make more money. You only get one life. Listen to his podcasts, buy the 3x program, read his book, have a taster session. See if its a good fit then go for it!
[I came to Dan with] my perceived lack of assertiveness, past struggle with depression, and at times low self esteem. Dan is all about taking action. After clinical and behavioural therapy for recovery from depression, I made huge improvements in my thought process. But Dan helped me stand up and act on the positive thought changes. I was quite honest with Dan about my deepest reservations from the very first session, and I found a completely non-judgemental listener in him. Therefore, each session transitioned into the subsequent one with great ease. I got more than I bargained for. The resources that I have had access to (in addition to the coaching) are of great value too. Another observation which pleasantly surprised me was that no session ever felt like a race against the clock. It will take time to notice major changes, but I can already feel a significant improvement in my sense of self-worth. It is one of the things I had strived for before coaching and Brojo, but never quite achieved to a great degree. I definitely gained more than I paid for. The added advantage is that the changes I have been able to achieve are lasting, so it is like having long-term support. [If you're interested in coaching] have a chat with him first to see if Dan's style of coaching suits you.
Dan encouraged me step by step. I feel more confident, less afraid of rejection and conflict.
[Dan] made me realize things that were already in my mind. For example, he helped me realize my people-pleasing tactics when I was not particularly aware of them. I am now living my life in a much more confident way because I don't worry if people like me as much anymore. I love this man's work.
Dan had the wonderful skill of helping me organize a cluster of thoughts by breaking them down, tracing them back to their origins and determining their likely cause. Which gave me greater clarity and the ability to plan actionable steps to work towards. This seemed to be set at my own pace. From relatively simple steps creating a sense of achievement and momentum, to highly anxious events that really pushed my boundaries involving both successes and failures. Comfortably uncomfortable.
Dan gave me the impression of complete support, highly valued when testing yourself each week. Communication was excellent as well, always touching base when I had been off the radar for a couple of weeks. My "emotional intelligence" has improved significantly, a better understanding of my own psyche has allowed me to let go of a lot of negative baggage resulting in the best day to day mental state of my life. Cheers Dan. Try a free session so there's nothing to lose. I would also suggest preparing for the consultation to gain the most value.
The home work forced me to face my fears. The quality of my life is significantly better since I started the coaching. Do it, it might sound strange, but it helps having some one show you where you might be stuck.
I came out of an unfulfilling career and Dan has helped me navigate through that and into a better place. I am definitely on my way to beginning my coaching business. Dan is a great communicator who is very encouraging and helpful with goals. Dan always provides great support even outside our sessions. This was definitely worth the financial investment for me. In fact I don't really think about the money I spent. I just focus on all the value I'm getting and how it's helping me to improve my life.
I have a lot more confidence and no longer live my life to please other people. My life is so much better now - I do what I want, because I want to do it - not to please others or because I think that is what someone else wants. I feel I have wasted much of the last 35 years of my life trying to please everyone else and hating myself in the process. I feel now I can start to live my life for me without the constant self-criticism and self hatred. Money could never buy the way I feel now. Thank you so much for that Dan. Have a chat to this guy - I found him down-to-earth, easy to work with and incredibly talented at what he does.
Half way through Dan's book 'Driven' I desperately wanted an introduction session which convinced me to do a 6 month coaching program. If Dan's ideas and coaching would be subject at school, the world would be a better place. I believe there wouldn't be that many frustrated people outside with so many weird behaviors. Personally speaking for myself, it was the best money I have invested so far. I highly recommend his books, work and coaching.
[The Programme] has me feeling like nothing is out of my reach. [Dan] helped me figure out what I want from life, without limits... I loved the exercise where everything is broken down into manageable steps that I can control... it's challenging but positive - makes achieving goals and dreams realistic
Hiya Dan, I just wanted to let ya know your way of doing things has worked like magic!
I can now have coffee, eat dinner and do anything on my own without feeling anxious, presentations are going really well and I have stepped it up to present to a big group of bankers in a few weeks..... I joined two networking groups on my own and made some excellent contacts, and getting heaps better at going in cold to situations!!!! Honestly since our session it’s like magic!
I owe you a beer my friend! Thanks very much for your tools and words of wisdom
[I came to Dan] because I wanted a change in career. He helped me focus on that change and broke it down in to manageable bites. I feel I have more time for people and to do things, using time more effectively, not panicking when I am busy. Give [Dan] a try, have the initial assessment and see if he is the right fit for you.
The changes I have made since before I had coaching to now: quit a job I hated, went back to uni, for the most part quit drinking and gained hobbies like baking, writing and boxing (my hobby used to be drinking). The changes internally are equally dramatic. I used to be obsessed with my weight and now I don't use a scale. I used to think my dreams of travelling and being a writer were ridiculous and now I believe I can do achieve them and I'm moving to Europe in 3 months. The benefits from the time with Dan are priceless.
Dan's straight forwardness and specifics were refreshing as insightful. At 58 years old and recently unemployed I was frustrated and stuck. Dan's gentle but firm manner coaxed me along till I had a grasp of the direction I wanted to head and next actions to take. I am most comfortable working with Dan, he speaks to my heart and professional side as one in the same. I love integrating my life to be one and the same. I believe this is where Dan shines, he is authentic and best of all leads by example."
To have coaching sessions with Dan is so much more than setting and achieving goals, it’s about facing your fears and answering questions you didn’t even know you had. While you may come in feeling hopeful with a dream and a rough plan, you will leave feeling empowered and like YOU ARE on top of the world. He will not perform miracles or tell what to do, however he will prove that YOU CAN do anything you set your mind to and that there are no limits aside from the ones you set for yourself.
As a typical nice guy with low self confidence, Dan and his coaching has made a phenomenal impact on my life and has hugely increased my self confidence. He is understanding and listens to what you want and guides in the direction you want to go. I highly recommend his courses and his coaching.